This week last year

With finally receiving a referral, it brought on some really in depth heart to heart conversations with Andy. It was real now-- A photo of a sweet little orphan girl--that would be ours..

I cried asking Andy to go over to China to get her for us. It would be hard to leave someone in charge of 4 boys while we both were all the way across the world. We didn't have family to keep them. So I felt like I should stay here while he goes-- especially since he could take care of her medical needs and he is a super loving father...He would do great..

I really, really do not like to fly. I really, really do not like leaving the boys for so long. I get really stressed out going on vacation at a beach in our own town--much less a trip to China. It made perfect sense for Andy to go. He travels all the time for business. My experience in flying is that I get stopped in our local airport for not taking my phone out my pocket!!

The actually trip was so sweet because I saw how God's hand was in all the details. I did not have to fret. God was in charge. He was making the way. So really this was me wrestling with God--would He provide for me or would I have to act like an orphan and do it on my own. Wow---God blew me away with his goodness and mercy and kindness and pursuit of me during this trip!! I still like to "sit" in remembering His goodness to me with the details of this adoption of our precious girl.

God pressed into my heart more and more of what it means for me to be adopted into His family. That I did nothing for Him to want to pick me--nothing---worse yet, I was full of sin and sin against the God Almighty. But He chose me when I was still in my sin. I can call him Papa God and come boldly before His throne because of my older brother, Jesus!

That I was no longer an orphan--that He would pursue me--run after me over and over because my heart is prone to wander... How can that be? that I would wander even after He so clearly demonstrated His great Love for me. If I were a writer I could write a beautiful book of the great things He did and is still doing for me, but I have to ponder them in my heart because writing is not my gift.